Growing pains
Get comfortable… this one’s a long one
I’ll be the first to admit it’s not easy to ignore ‘those’ desires and feeling that seem to be everywhere if you’re not grounded in Jesus. As I’ve said before, I didn’t wake up the next morning after giving my life to the Lord a heterosexual… it would have been the easy way out and I wouldn’t have experienced and learned what I have and continue to learn, about trusting God and His unmeasurable relentless love.
Temptation is everywhere for all of us.
It’s how we respond to those temptations that create that snag. Here’s the really cool thing, God not only lets us know what things we do that offend Him but He also gives us a way out to overcome those temptations and situations that could go sour. Here’s a example of a major temptation that I encountered in my life and how I chose to deal with it.
Several years ago I met someone through my job that I fell in lust/love with… all the feelings, thoughts, and desires were there. Yep, right in the middle of my “new life in Christ”. Condemnation on top of condemnation enveloped me. I worked with this guy every day! The temptation was incredible! On top of that, he was a player… yah right! At the time I didn’t have anyone to talk with, so I was keeping it all in. All I could remember was my promise to God that night in the street…”I’ll change”. I wasn’t going to give in!! I asked Him for help and I know He was with me, but I wanted to do this for Him to let Him know that I meant what I said that night. Was it a lesson God was teaching me? Was I weak and not disciplined? Probably. It hurt and I felt so condemned. All during this time I found myself referring to a verse that encouraged me and kept me strong. “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to man, and God is faithful: He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13) The Greek word for tempted is “tested”. The feelings I had gone through were overwhelming, but once again I didn’t act on them. Don't get me wrong, I’m not perfect, I may not have acted out in any way, but I let my emotions and thoughts take over way too much. It opened up that condemnation and regret even more.
So now what?
Simple, I ran to Him again. I asked Him to forgive my weakness and help me learn from my errors and grow. The cool things is that the Bible says that He’s strong when we’re weak… every temptation is a choice and I choose to look to Jesus as my ‘pressure valve’ my strength, my understanding and my peace but most of all my salvation. I’ve learned that as these temptations test me with accusations of failure and weakness and they will… I look at them with God’s eye… a test, a measuring device to let me know just how wonderfully God is changing me into his image.
The most important thing that we all need to understand about our lives is that we each have control on how we end up. That control is a choice that is bigger than what our desires are and how powerful they may seem in our lives. It’s a choice that will affect our lives forever. We’ve been told we’re created IN HIS IMAGE. He’s perfect in every way, so I’ve chosen to focus on him, and as I do, I have learned that the closer I get to Him the less my life and things in it have any hold on me. He’s offered us life!!
Looking back at all the good and bad decisions I made, how I handled my career and my personal life isn’t any different than anyone else. Everyone has the choice to follow God or not. Including us. It may seem to be an insurmountable choice from where you stand but … remember, all things are possible with God. He wants us all to choose Him. He loves you and wants to feel your love being given back.
Think about it, have you been in a relationship that’s one- sided? When someone isn’t completely loving you back, doesn’t make for a very good or long lasting partnership does it? But this time the one not reciprocating is us. God loves us and the neatest thing is that when we choose to love him back we experience a father’s love beyond anything imaginable. I’m a perfect example, I’ve made more mistakes and wrong decisions than I’d like to admit, I’ve fallen off the proverbial cart… several times! BUT and it’s a big but, I keep receiving his forgiveness, encouragement and love! With each mistake and wrong decision, I learn, I grow, I get stronger and closer to His image because I keep getting on that cart and always will because I love Him!!
Let’s face it, growing pains can be confusing, isolating and obviously painful, in fact, life in general isn’t easy, it’s not handed over to us on a silver platter. Everyone in their own personal way struggles in some way shape or form. Whether it’s physical, social, emotional, financial, political or what ever, it’s how we handle it, how we let it control us that shapes our lives. We can blame our parents, the government or society in general, even our employers and then there are those that blame God for there misfortunes. Which is sad because He’s the one that wants to and can help! What surprises me is that those doing the blaming really don’t know God at all. And the sad thing is that it’s all so simple. Let’s simplify it to the point of being a little crazy! We’ve got good guys and bad guys. God is the ultimate good guy, with love enough for everyone and unmeasurable patience (I can vouch for that!!) Oh and the bad guy… satan, beelzebub, lucifer… AKA the devil. His claim to fame is the ability to twist the truth into his favor… most people actually think that God is the author of all the sickness, pain poverty etc. in the world, but it’s not true. That fallen angel has been able to twist the truth and give God the bad rap when it’s his work that you see. Remember, God is perfect love… and that’s not the M.O. for perfect love. dah! For me, I was dealt the gay chip. Ok, yeah I know, you’re thinking that I just labeled being gay as a struggle. Of course I know that for most, it isn’t a struggle as our society continues to make it easier to accept and be accepted, but it doesn’t work for everyone, like me. I don’t remember choosing it, placing an order for it, no dramatic episodes in my life triggered it. It just appeared. Like everyone else you hide it at first, then cope with it privately and then most accept it. Even when I had a partner, outwardly everything seemed all rosy but it wasn’t. Everything I did in my relationship was emulating the heterosexual life. I wanted more, but at the time I didn’t have the slightest idea what that looked like, felt like or even if it really was something to strive for. I had no expectations or understanding of what I’d have to do or what I’d have to change in my life to become right with Him. Seems to be a stumbling block for a lot of people. Would I have to cut off my right arm or leg and then something would work in my favor to make me right with Him? NOPE, from where I sit, no blood needs to be shed, no limbs need to be severed on my part. All the blood that needed to be shed had already been done over 2000 years ago, all we need to do is… wait, let’s hear it from Jesus, “for God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that “whoever believes” in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn it but to SAVE the world through Him”. With that understanding, comes the desire to please Him more than anything. To be right with Him, give back some of the love that was given for us. We’ve been given the challenge to be Christ like here on earth. There it is again, to believe and follow His will.
…just BELIEVE, who’d guess.